writing about how to write things i can’t write

[this was something i wrote to myself a few months ago when i was trying to work through my absurdly severe anxiety, plus anxiety-induced verbal fluency problems, so that i could start writing the articles that i wanted to write.]

  1. stop trying to communicate. communication means having to hammer your oblong-spherical-self through a square hole until you cry. instead, just say. sing and say. build a place to share.
  2. mimicry is putting on another voice for a day; when you do that, you aren’t lining up pieces of yourself on a conveyor belt of “meaning.” you’re making patterns with voices; a variation on a theme.
  3. traditional rhetorical/discursive structures are where funnybrains go to die; find yourself a quirky corner (the not-autobiographical self-parodying theoretical exercise; the poem about poems about poems…just with lines that go all the way across the page).
  4. last but not least: remember all those beautiful pieces of thinking you made, that’ve been sitting in notebooks for months and months. you love them. they’re one movement of your hands, each of them. give them music to flicker to.**

ImageThe photo is of baby me laying back on the living room rug, with my feet propped on a nearby table leg, casually looking over the edge of what looks like an L.L. Bean mail-order catalog that I’m holding. I look like some pretentious dude kicking back with a cup of coffee and the Sunday Times. But with an L.L. Bean catalog. Isn’t hyperlexia marvelous?

**for instance, just contemplate the rhetorical heft and cackling glee encapsulated in one of your most proudly-crafted (lonely, expectant) phrases: “according to prominent scholars within the field, evolutionary psychologists have yet to determine the adaptive function of female orgasm”(i have citations). it’s both viscerally terrifying and hilariously funny on multiple different levels simultaneously. on the one hand, most of an entire (fake, unscientific, obscenely oppressive, smug) sub-field doesn’t think “female” sexual pleasure/arousal is needed in order for species-wide sexual reproduction to occur. just…chew on that one for a while. or don’t. instead, just think of all these asshat straight white dudes sitting around being like “wait, but like, female orgasm isn’t a big deal, right? like, if it wasn’t always a thing, that would be like totally fine? i mean, like, just…theoretically. like, in the paleolithic…this friend of mine just wanted me to ask for him…”

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